The other day I was perusing one of my favorite websites, Thought Catalog, when I came across this article. After I read it, I felt the need to write a response. I'd like to point out that I do realize there are characteristics of Southern women. I've read dozens of essays on said characteristics and even enjoyed and agreed with some of them. My problem with this particular article is that the author forces women to choose, and I will not be boxed in. I don't typically like to use my blog to rant, and I actually wrote this several days before I decided to post it. I put it away, but the original article was still bothering me. I'm not sure why I so strongly feel the need to respond, but even if the author never reads this response, it still feels good to get this off my chest.
Hi! We've never met, but I recently read your article "21 Differences Between A Southern Belle and A Modern Woman" on Thought Catalog. From your intro, I see that we have a lot of things in common. I too am a woman, an adult, college-educated, hard-working and active in my community. I also prioritize family over finances and consider myself to be feminine. So far so good, right?
However, as I continued reading your article, I quickly found our biggest difference: our definition of a "Modern Woman". I had actually not ever thought about this phrase before. After all, if you are a woman living in modern times, are you not a "Modern Woman"? I found myself growing more and more appalled with each "difference" you noted. As a Southern Woman I am deeply offended. Why can't I be both?? Are you that narrow minded that you can't see that a Southern Belle can adapt to the Modern World??
Does the fact that my family is the most important part of my life make me old-fashioned? Is being "not afraid to cook with butter" the opposite of modern? Am I not modern because I believe Cheerleading is a Sport? As a former cheerleader, who once sustained a concussion during a stunt, I KNOW that cheerleading is a sport.
Am I no longer Southern because I believe that women and men should be treated as equals?? My mother and grandmother, who are about as southern as they come, preached to me and my sister growing up that we could do anything we want. Not anything that fits into our specified gender role. ANYTHING WE WANT. Does that mean they're not Southern Belles?
You also noted that Southern Belles "are human and make mistakes like everyone else, but it's important for Southern Belles to always keep a brave face and a strong back for the other people in their lives. They know, especially when they have families, that people depend on them to keep calm in the face of chaos." So, does this mean that Southern Belles don't cry? Or that Modern Women struggle with facing adversity and shrivel into a big ol' crying mess? Because, yes I cry. But I also know what it means to be strong for others. So where does that put me?
My personal favorite was: "When they invite someone over, they always have the best gossip ready. And they know that gossip is an art form." I'm not even sure how to comment on this one other than thanks Candace for making Southern Women seem like a bunch of catty bitches who sit around talking about others all day long. Don't get me wrong, I'm just as guilty of gossiping as any of my fellow Modern Women/Southern Belles, but I don't invite my friends over to my house because I'm armed with a heap of conversation starters that begin with: "Did you see what she was wearing?" Or "have you heard who he's dating?"
So I guess my point in writing to you, Candace, is because I don't understand why you believe that I can't be a Southern Belle and a Modern Woman. Because you feel the need to categorize women into one or the other, you are stifling your gender. Both the South and women in general have come a long way, but you refuse to acknowledge this. It's this type of thinking that makes it okay for an employer to pay a woman less than a man because you, as a woman, don't view men and women as equals. It's this type of thinking that constantly keeps the south from moving forward because you believe that feeling fulfilled with a career makes you anti-southern. And frankly, it's this type of thinking that is dangerous for women. We as women should be empowering each other, not tearing each other down or judging each other because of our life choices.
So, as a Modern Southern Woman, I'd really appreciate it if you would stop seeing me as a stereotype. Because I am so much more than that. I am a Southerner. I am hard-working. I love my family. I am a Christian. I am loyal to a fault. I can be girly. I will never settle. I am in some ways traditional and in other ways modern. I am a woman, and I refuse to be put into a category. I'm far too complex for that. How's that for a walking contradiction?
xoxo,
JET
